doulas_and

Myths About Dads and Doulas, By Penny Simkin, P.T.

Myth 1 – If a woman has her partner, the doula becomes redundant.

Reality – The doula may be the only person at the labor besides the partner who
is there solely for the emotional well-being of the woman. The nurse, the doctor,
the midwife have other priorities that compete with the emotional care of the
woman: for example, breaks, shift changes, clinical responsibilities, office hours
and hospital policies. The doula has few or no other priorities. She stays through
shift changes, and until after the baby is born. She is not just another stranger
with the couple, she has the woman’s needs as her sole priority. In some cases, the couple will bring several other
friends or family members into labor with them. Sometimes these people can be uncertain of how to help, which
leads to confusion and actually adds to the woman’s stress. The doula can direct and coordinate the efforts of a group
of people, giving them all something useful to do, so they work as a team on the woman’s behalf.

Myth 2 – The doula “takes over”, displacing the partner and interferes with their intimate experience.

Reality –

The doula can actually bring the couple closer. By making sure that the partner’s needs

are met

(food,

drink,

occasional back rubs, and reassurance), the woman and partner can work

more closely

together. The

doula allows for

the partner to participate at his own comfort level.

Some partners prefer

to be there only to

witness the birth of

their child and to share this

experience with the woman they

love. They may not want to

play an active role and do

not want

to be responsible for the woman’s

comfort and emotional security. The

doula can fill in and allow

the

partner to participate as he wishes,

without leaving the woman’s needs unmet.

When the

partner chooses to be the

major source of

emotional support, the doula can supplement his or her

efforts by running errands, making

suggestions

for comfort measures, and offering words of

reassurance and

comfort. During a long tiring labor, she can

give the partner a break for a brief

rest or change of scene.

While

the doula probably knows more than

the partner

about birth,

hospitals, and maternity care, the partner knows

more about the woman's

personality, likes and

dislikes,

and needs. Moreover, he loves the woman more than

anyone else there.

The combined

contributions of partner and

doula, along with a competent, considerate and

caring staff,

gives the

woman the best chance of an optimal outcome.

Myth 3 – The doula has her own belief about how the birth should go,

and imposes it on the woman or couple.

Reality –

The doula’s true agenda is to help ensure that the woman’s or couple’s agenda is acknowledged

and followed

as much as possible. If the doula is thoroughly familiar with the couple’s wishes and their

birth plan, she may actually

think more about it than the couple, especially when labor is intense and

things are happening rapidly. The doula can

remind the staff or the couple of some items on the birth

plan that are forgotten, but which later might be

important. Sometimes if a birth plan is not followed,

the couple later look back with regret or disappointment. The

doula helps with decision-making by

asking questions that will ensure that the right information is given to the

woman or couple so that they

can make an informed decision. She may also suggest alternatives for the couple to

consider. She does

not, however, make decisions for the couple.

In summary, the doula helps make the birth experience to be as rewarding and satisfying as possible. As one father
said “I heaved a big sigh of relief when she (the doula) walked in. I had not realized how much pressure I had been
feeling. She not only calmed my wife, she calmed me down”.